I know the above title would make no sense whatsoever to anybody. But it means a complete day to me. One whole memorable day...which made me think a lot and worry about a few.
Its 7 a.m. i get up feeling all scared and sweaty. I sit idle and think about my nightmare. What made me ruminate so much was that i experienced this dream for the 4th time in 2 months.This might sound silly, but repeated dreams are supposed to be a warning. Foretelling your future even though you don't want to see it.
The dream was about me getting stuck in a creepy maze, in a ruined home, all alone, searching for the destination to get out. And in all those 4 times, in my dream, i'll never even get a clue about my destination. So, I switch on the computer and type, 'interpret dream maze' on google. I get an answer that, the dream means i am in a confusion, there is a feeling of lost, and i have not self-discovered myself.
Well, a sense of confusion is certainly prevalent, because i feel i am going through quarter life crises, if i may put it that way. I just don't know what to do in life. I have a lot of paths and detours but no destination. Secondly, feeling of lost, well i definitely feel lonely sometimes and certain times i feel that i am being misled. But the last part, self discovery, i really could not understand that. All these days, i thought i knew myself. I kept thinking for a couple of hours and this is what i realised. I really don't know me. I just feel i know Sindhu. But there's a lot more in her. I feel my friends know her better than me. They understand her much better than what i can.
The thing is, my life is not going the way i had planned. Its taking me nowhere. Too much of stress, wrong decisions and like my friends say, I am a victim of negativity and its being very tough for me to come out of it. Last 10months has been really unpredictable. Its just that the situation was out of my hand. Well, some things are better left unsaid. Let me not dig into any details. People who know me will get the clue though.
All i can say is, in the end, i certainly took the right decision and proved myself what i am. I used to look down upon myself and I had lost complete trust on my capability. Like they say, all is well that end's well. Clearly, an end to that ordeal was on a happy note.
So there you go, i have told u about MAZES and DISCOVERY. Last part, EYELASHES one is quite a sensitive issue. I don't know whether it is right to specify it here. But it was something that has got imprinted in my mind, so i just want to pour it here. This incident happened around 4pm on that day. Picture this : I am at my friend's hostel drying my hair and there was a girl sitting and staring at me. I didn't find the girl familiar but her stares got me annoyed. I just turn away and wonder why she has to stare at me when i am just standing and drying my hair. In sometime, my friend comes and nudges me to observe that girl closely. I suddenly realise that the girl had no eyelash and hair, and she was apparently wearing a wig. I get a pang of guilt. I was numb for a moment.
That girl i got to know later has some incurable disease and people who have this disease never get even a follicle of hair on their whole body; and she always sees girls who have long hair with a feeling of disappointment and vexation. I was disgusted with myself for getting annoyed. And on that day I was thankful to god the most. Sometimes I feel I really have more than enough with me. And i sincerely pray to god, to keep everybody having this disease very happy in their lives. Hoping for the best cure to them.
Day comes to an end. Every minute kept me thinking. Even in the night, i couldn't catch a few winks, I just kept on thinking. I must have self discovered atleast to a certain extent on that day....
Its 7 a.m. i get up feeling all scared and sweaty. I sit idle and think about my nightmare. What made me ruminate so much was that i experienced this dream for the 4th time in 2 months.This might sound silly, but repeated dreams are supposed to be a warning. Foretelling your future even though you don't want to see it.
The dream was about me getting stuck in a creepy maze, in a ruined home, all alone, searching for the destination to get out. And in all those 4 times, in my dream, i'll never even get a clue about my destination. So, I switch on the computer and type, 'interpret dream maze' on google. I get an answer that, the dream means i am in a confusion, there is a feeling of lost, and i have not self-discovered myself.
Well, a sense of confusion is certainly prevalent, because i feel i am going through quarter life crises, if i may put it that way. I just don't know what to do in life. I have a lot of paths and detours but no destination. Secondly, feeling of lost, well i definitely feel lonely sometimes and certain times i feel that i am being misled. But the last part, self discovery, i really could not understand that. All these days, i thought i knew myself. I kept thinking for a couple of hours and this is what i realised. I really don't know me. I just feel i know Sindhu. But there's a lot more in her. I feel my friends know her better than me. They understand her much better than what i can.
The thing is, my life is not going the way i had planned. Its taking me nowhere. Too much of stress, wrong decisions and like my friends say, I am a victim of negativity and its being very tough for me to come out of it. Last 10months has been really unpredictable. Its just that the situation was out of my hand. Well, some things are better left unsaid. Let me not dig into any details. People who know me will get the clue though.
All i can say is, in the end, i certainly took the right decision and proved myself what i am. I used to look down upon myself and I had lost complete trust on my capability. Like they say, all is well that end's well. Clearly, an end to that ordeal was on a happy note.
So there you go, i have told u about MAZES and DISCOVERY. Last part, EYELASHES one is quite a sensitive issue. I don't know whether it is right to specify it here. But it was something that has got imprinted in my mind, so i just want to pour it here. This incident happened around 4pm on that day. Picture this : I am at my friend's hostel drying my hair and there was a girl sitting and staring at me. I didn't find the girl familiar but her stares got me annoyed. I just turn away and wonder why she has to stare at me when i am just standing and drying my hair. In sometime, my friend comes and nudges me to observe that girl closely. I suddenly realise that the girl had no eyelash and hair, and she was apparently wearing a wig. I get a pang of guilt. I was numb for a moment.
That girl i got to know later has some incurable disease and people who have this disease never get even a follicle of hair on their whole body; and she always sees girls who have long hair with a feeling of disappointment and vexation. I was disgusted with myself for getting annoyed. And on that day I was thankful to god the most. Sometimes I feel I really have more than enough with me. And i sincerely pray to god, to keep everybody having this disease very happy in their lives. Hoping for the best cure to them.
Day comes to an end. Every minute kept me thinking. Even in the night, i couldn't catch a few winks, I just kept on thinking. I must have self discovered atleast to a certain extent on that day....
4 comments:
[:)] u did
very sensitive writing.. eyelashes part is touching..
"sometimes you have to lose urself to find out who you are" n yeah..one day when u finally find urself ....the whole world would seem like a fresh canvas .i hope that day is not far-off for u.so i guess the creepy mazes will certainly be followed by baggage of good things to come.
the "EYELASHES" part ...it really moved me a lot..
i feel you should continue writing.. written way back in 2008, i know u wud have climbed a lot few ladders to your pinnacle.. we as ur blog viewers wud like to know what or rather who "Sindhu" is in 2009.. what say all u people..? :)
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